5 Reasons Asian Girls Will Not Love You

Editor's Note: While this post was originally written as a response to a specific piece, the sentiment expressed is general and the original piece no longer available. The world has never been so open; affordable travel and the internet have done a phenomenal job of erasing distance between borders and allowing fetishizing men to really spread their creed.  For those unfamiliar, fetishization is defined as the excessive or irrational devotion to an activity or object. In this context, an Asian fetish, or ‘yellow fever’, as coined by the writer David Henry Hwang, is a slang term used to describe the intense interest in or attraction for the people and culture of Asian descent by those of non-Asian descent, originating from the stereotyping of Asians in Western society.

Supposedly we lovely 'exotic' ladies have just twiddled our thumbs the past few decades, sitting around looking pretty and waiting for the macho Western man to scoop us up and love us. As an Asian woman, a member of the aforementioned 'exotic' demographic, I feel it is about to time to set the record straight and strongly insist that just because you find it necessary to fetishize and 'love' us, we by no means feel any inclination to love you. Time to dispel the White Savior myth--here are 5 reasons why Asian girls will not love fetishizing men.

  1. We are not your living anime/manga characters. Furthermore, we do not exist to be your soothing massage girl, nor your exotic little housewife. Unlike those of 2D characters in fictional worlds, our range of emotions is as large and complex as any other human being's, and to have our existence condensed into cute little packets of Asian stress reliever is insulting and demeaning to say the least
  2. Asian women don't exist to cater to your fetish. Much as we are not dragon ladies, painted geishas, or China dolls, we also don't exist to fit into any other stereotype you can think of. Contrasting us with the typical Western woman is a moot point--any cultural differences have nothing to do with your dating preferences. It might be nice to think we walk on clouds and breathe out incense, but that fantasy is simply untrue.
  3. Fetishizing is not a compliment. Comments like 'I love your culture' and 'I love Asian women' are not flattering--they’re downright insulting. 'Asian' is not a trait you can look for in a partner. It is a race and can be broken down into various ethnicities, none of which exists for your 'exploration' and 'appreciation.’
  4. Why yes, we are polite and human. More emphasis on the 'human' part of that, but I'm surprised that's news to anyone. And if you are just starting to recognize that we are human beings, capable and worthy of respect, then you don't deserve our attention.
  5. We do in fact take care of our family and the ones we love. And we owe you nothing. Being an adult does not excuse you from caring for those who raised you, and our love for our family does not serve as an indication to you that we are 'suited' for you to acquire and to have your children. Contrary to his belief that APIA women are subservient, we are not brooding mares or housewives. Asian women took 18 of the 50 spots on Forbe’s ’50 Most Powerful Women in Business’ list in 2011, and according to the Pew Research Center, Asian Americans on a whole are the highest-income, best-educated and fastest-growing racial group in the United States. While some APIA cultures may indeed place more importance on filial piety, career ambitions and motivations have similar priority.

In conclusion, fetishizing is not attractive. While it has certainly seen a rise among netizens, most notably among 'the good guys' (who are closely related to 'the fedora guys,')who all fall under the umbrella category of 'misguided,' there is no function of this trend in the betterment of society.

So, (fetishizing) guys ...cut it out. We don't love you, and we won't love you, until you learn to respect other human beings and treat them as such.